Why Codependency Comes With Being Intuitive And What To Do About It

Thank you to all who wrote to me to let me know that what I wrote about self-esteem on my blog last week struck something for you.

When you take the time to do that, it fires me up to give you more as I know what you want :)

So today, I’m going to share with you Pia Mellody’s 5 symptoms of Codependency which are:

1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem.

2. Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries.

3. Difficulty Owning Own Reality.

4. Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Wants and Needs

5. Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Reality Moderately.

Recognise yourself?

Of course, you do. Codependency is the disease of conditioning. Conditional love. We all got conditioned!

And particularly if you are intuitive.

It gets worse because it’s not your intuition that needs the work, it’s your self-esteem.

I got this moment of clarity when someone told me they didn’t want to do self-development work with me, they wanted to do psychic development.

I asked them why and they replied…

“Because if I am psychic I won’t make the wrong decisions”

Before I knew it what came out my mouth were the words…

“You are right" she said "every time I made a bad decision, poor self-worth was in the driving seat”

I dedicate myself to helping intuitives become aware of this because my life as an intuitive was full of so much drama and trauma. And the more I developed my intuition the worse it got.

My life spiraled out of control, the more “I made it” as one of the UK’s top psychics. The more I developed my intuition the more dramatic my life became, internally and externally.

Why is it that so many intuitives have problems with health, weight and addictions?

 

Myself included - (although it’s only the food battle left) You only have to go to your local psychic fair to see this is true.

 

Well, It’s down to being highly trained codependents (intuitives).

 

The dramas that followed me from childhood into adulthood. Attached to my aura along with the lost souls that did and didn’t have a body. Childhood was supernaturally traumatic for me, it made Ghostbusters look like Groundhog day.

As an adult, I went from one drama and toxic relationship to another. 

And this happened with my business too. There's a saying that people don't have business problems, they have personal ones that follow them into business, and that is so true. I was unable to do business because my self-worth was on the floor (costing me amongst other things £4.5 million and a huge book deal).

When my mid-life crisis hit I nearly lost my marriage and business completely, but it was then that it all became clear.

That’s when I truly began to see, that all seeing starts with the self.

Now in my forties for the first time in my life, I am no longer scared of the emotional, mental and supernatural tides within myself, or my home.

I don’t do toxic relationships. I don’t smoke tobacco or anything else. Ahem! Well, apart from the occasional ciggy - I have to be MAJORLY UPSET for that, which doesn't happen a lot these days. I don’t drink - never really have though! I don't actually like it :) I ‘ll have the occasional at a social gathering but that’s it.

The food though, that’s the last thing to go. I am a hardcore codependent comfort eater! Codependency? Am I still codependent? Oh yes! Every day in every way I am shown where and how. Codependency is like judgment, you can’t stop judging, but you can become more aware of when you are doing it.

Thus rest of this blog will raise your awareness through Pia Mellody’s 5 symptoms of codependency.

Let's see how many you recognise shall we?

 1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem.

1) My worth is depends on my comparison with others, if I am doing “better” than I feel better than others and If I am doing worse than my self worth diminishes.

2) The more worthless I feel the more I try to make myself appear better than someone else.

3) The more worthless I feel the more I will withdraw.

When negative events occur, a person with an unhealthy self- esteem will take it personally and launch a shame attack on themselves. Then they may or may not then direct that out towards others with blame, as Brene Brown says the more shame someone feels, the more they will blame.

This then blurts out in the other extreme of arrogance and grandiosity. The person either truly believes that he or she is above or better than other people, or is trying to protect or convince themselves with that mask.

If you have healthy self-esteem you will not question your worth or value, it is not dependent on anything externally.

This is why I believe if we all had healthy self-esteem the world would indeed be as one.

2. Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries.

 A personal boundary is internal protection for your physical, mental, emotional and behaviour states. It has three purposes:

1) To protect you from being invaded in someway.

2) To prevent you from trespassing on others boundaries.

3) To give you an individual a sense of self.

A real light bulb for me was when I read that boundaries are both internal as well as external.

The other extreme is being so boundaried they have walls - she calls them “tight arses!”

I love a doc that can describe her clients as arses and get away with it!

We all know a shit arse that explodes all their mental and emotional stuff all over the place.

Perhaps we can recognise the times we may have done it ourselves?

It leaves us feeling extremely ungrounded, vulnerable, and with little or no self-respect of worth left.

We all know a tight arse too.

The person who clams up more and more, maybe to the point where they just cut off completely?

Is that you too?

Again this is a spectrum and people who decide they need to work on boundaries often swing from one to the other.

 

We need internal and external boundaries to not abuse or be abused, but we don’t need walls.

3. Difficulty Owning Your Reality

2) Thinking - how you give meaning to incoming data.

3) Feelings - how you express your emotions.

4) Behaviour - what you do or don't do.

Not being able to own your reality is experienced on two levels: I know my reality and I won't share it, or I don't know what my reality is. 

4. Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Your Wants and Needs

If you have difficulty with this core symptom you’ll fall into these four categories:

1) Too dependent: I expect others to meet your needs completely.

2) Anti-dependent: I alone can meet my needs.

3) Needless/wantless: I am not aware of my needs or wants.

4) Confuses wants and needs: attempts to meet needs with wants.

If you felt wrong for having needs as a child you may grow up to be anti-dependent.

 

For instance, I am an anti dependent, I struggle to know my needs and I will often confuse what I want with what I need (e.g eat when I need sleep) but I am also dependent on others where I lack.

 

I have to work on my awareness in all these areas.

5. Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Our Reality Moderately:

This symptom is usually most visible to other people.

There is no middle ground, it’s about being too extreme with your bodies, thoughts and feelings. From dressing flamboyantly or dowdily.

From being stick thin down the gym, or a complete couch potato.

From OCD self-care to none at all.

This physical reflection is a big neon sign of something deeper….

Thinking is not in moderation. It’s black or white, either or, and that is that.

 Usually, this results from having parents that acted out of moderation themselves.

Example: Someone who was brought up by a disciplinarian will not discipline their child at all.

So what if you resonate?
Awareness of codependency can feel quite depressing because it’s so ingrained as the norm in society, don’t let it get you down, it is perfectly normal, no wo/man is an island.

Instead let it help you become aware of your own wants, needs, reality and boundaries and what’s really happening for someone when they blast you or shut you down.

Someone else’s self-esteem is never about you.

Your responsibility is your own.

People in pain cause pain, don’t be one of those people.

Don’t descend into drama, trigger yourself into trauma or uncontrollably upset yourself.

Sleep paralysis, demonic dreams, entities, possessions, earthbound spirits, alien abductions, physical mediumship (ectoplasm)!

 

Yup earlier I did elude to my early life making Ghostbusters look like Groundhog day!

I’ve been “super- naturally” clean for two years now.

You know why?

I clocked that it happened whenever I got myself in a total state emotionally. Now I let myself feel sad if I am sad and I cry if I need to cry. But no longer do I exhaust, deplete and weaken my aura and internal boundaries to the point of traumatic invasion.

And so are you. Whatever it is.

Maybe your pet dies or something else traumatic happens- look after you, unplug be gentle with you, you are going to cry, a lot. Allow it. GENTLY. Maybe someone is directing their anger at you, you can’t stop that. But you can stop yourself getting upset with someone whose upset with you - as it’s never about you anyway!

If this resonates with you then it’s time to stop being a needless wantless anti dependent/codependent.

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Love,

Tiffany  x