Total Eclipse of a BRAND New Start 4th December 2021

Dec 03, 2021

Turn around bright eyes.

Every now and then I wake in the dark, pick up my phone and it’s 2:22.

Every now and then I get a little bit manic

And fear I’m never gonna sleep

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired

From writing at the time of the dark

(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous

That you ain’t gonna like what I’m gonna say, and you’ll pass me by

(Turn around) every now and then I get more than a little bit terrified

And then I get a glimpse of how unimportant my ego is.

(Turn around, bright eyes) every now and then there’s a total eclipse of the heart

(Turn around, bright eyes) every now and then there’s a total eclipse of a brand new start

And we need it now tonight

And we need it more than ever

And if you only see the light

You’ll be seeing the light forever

And we'll only be making it right

'Cause we'll never be wrong

Together we can take it to the end of the line

The ego’s love is like a shadow on us all of the time (all of the time)

You don't know what to do with it, always in the dark

It’s like living in a powder keg, giving off sparks

Salvation, I really need you tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time, we fell prey to the ego

But now we’re only falling apart (and that’s fantastic!)

Because together we are falling together

A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was fight in your life

But now there's only an enlightenment spark

SO MUCH to friggin say

A total eclipse is a BRAND NEW START

An hour ago, I woke up! BING! Wide awake, Except it’s not 6, not even 5:55, 4:44, or 3:33, but 2: friggin 22!

One thing I’ve noticed about the universe is that it’s in charge of the timing.

I’ve been writing the Moon blogs for a while, but only for you because I can’t write them three months in advance as the big platforms need. Quite frankly, I’m in awe of anyone who can tune in and be in charge of that timing.

My connection to the Moon is like an egg timer, well.  I’m the egg, the Moon cooks me on a timer, and I have no control over when the timer goes off.

My feeling is that this may well be the most truthful epic blog I’ve ever been woken up at stupid o clock to write - and I’m probably wrong!

The funny things the ego says to us! I remember, when I published my first book, my ego said with a sigh of relief, phew! Now you can die if you want! Lol!

But okay, this blog is epic and not just because it includes a vid of my chat with Russell Brand at the end.

This blog, unlike milk, is unprocessable or "unskimable" to condense the deep sojourn read it is.

You have been warned!

This blog is dairy but not diary free.

Turn off all other distractions.

Create sacred space.

Grab a cuppa, a pen and a journal.

Get ready to go deep

And allow myself and Russell to show you it’s time for a BRAND new start. 

I know you feel it anyway!

Although you might be tempted to scroll to the end to see the highlights of mine and Russ’s convo, try to stay the course unless you want to scroll to the bottom now and then come back here! Lol!

After all, this blog will be your own personal time travel machine!

It has one flaw, though - it only goes back as far as 11th August 1999.

Still, that’s enough. Look what we’ve been through the past two years.

It can't be only Russell and I that resonate as The Fool leaping off the cliff? 

Lately, I  said amazing things are materialising for me on the flip side of the last eclipse season in May/June (which stank, to be frank)!

And, I see it's been hard to hear for some of you that are having that stinky eclipse season now (or even in May and now too).

One of you wrote to me to tell me you lost one parent last eclipse season and another this eclipse season :(

So I figured that was a sign to go deeper with you 

Rather than being Tiffany "RARA"! (as Russell called me!)

The thing is that when I go deep - it gets REAL deep.

The word count on this blog is about to bust as I step up the time machine.

Are you ready?

Here we go, way back to the total eclipse of 11th August 1999.

Do you remember where you were the day the sky went dark?

I’d got my leg over on the back of my boyf's motorbike (ahem!) and clung for life around the speed demon that he was. The rush I got on that bike was the closest I could get to the feeling that the wind was blowing away everything I was trying to escape from at the time.

We arrived at the ocean (well, us and the rest of the world). The panoramic darkness of the sky doubled by the reflection of the sea, only hinting at the vast void in my soul from the recent loss of my daughter, father figure, marriage, hometown, family and friends.

SO MUCH GRIEF.

It was my 22nd birthday, and I was a lost soul, swimming in darkness within and all around.

What about you?

Where were you the day the sky went dark? 

My feeling is that is when all this sparked.

Once you have it, let’s get back in the time machine together and fast forward to exactly 5 years later. Stepping out into the holistic shop I opened (with another boyfriend), we are chatting to the resident astrologer who realises it’s my birthday and says...

“Oh my! The total eclipse of 1999 was on your birthday! Congratulations! Although I expect it didn’t feel like it at the time.”

To be honest - it still didn’t. I still felt broken.

Not just from all that happened at my turning point of adulthood, but from my childhood too. It’s taken me the length and breadth of aeons to calm my massive Leonine ego the fuck down.

That ego has taken me to hell and back numerous times - so what’s been the big turning point and why now?

*I don’t tend to swear btw. But in this blog, it’s time to accept everything the way it wants to be slang, swearing, typos, imperfect typos or concerns over oversharing - I’m past it all.  It’s time for a landslide.

And it’s time to jump back in the time machine again.

Next stop? Now.

Here’s what I invited you to do in last week’s blog (an extra one for eclipse season)

….What if you stop for a moment right now and think back over all the things that have happened to you over the following 3 points in time:

  1. 2013/14
  2. 2020
  3. May/June 2021

And what does that mean for you now?

  1. Think first about how your life was in 2013/14 because that's where we find ourselves now. The same eclipse axis is here, seeing us through to October 2023. Taurus (High Priest - Trump 5) /Scorpio (Death - Trump 13). What similarities are happening now? Whatever was playing out in 2013/14 has a similar bearing.

For example, someone important has come into my life with the same name as the person who was most important to me then.

  1. 2020 - What happened for you throughout 2020? The year of The Emperor & also the year of Death (number 13 in the Tarot - 1+3 =4). It has two sides, just like the eclipse axis. Whenever The Emperor arrives, he slays the old to build a new life, and we’ve been going through that literally and figuratively speaking.

For example, we lost my Mother in Law at the beginning of lockdown 1 and my Grandad between lockdown 1 and 2 - literal death. But it also signified huge changes in our own lives - the end of life as we knew it - on EVERY level.

  1. What was happening for you in May/June time this year? This was the last eclipse season, and things that started then should come to fruition now.

Now I want to add this to the mix:

4. What was happening for you at the eclipse of 1999 - the day the sky went dark?

Whether it was your birthday or not, there’s a beginning and ending of a timeline story here - it didn’t have to be your birthday!

There have been two other eclipse times in my life that have been massive life-changing times, and that was May/June 2013 and now.

Both these moments in time are beginning and ending axis points where the eclipse cycle finishes up one 18 month cycle and starts another.

Path convergence of the stars and our soul is the stuff supernovas are made of. But hey, they take aeons to make, and when you are in darkness, it can feel like you will be there for eternity - but hey, you are not.

Whatever the grief, I know the journey feels long, arduous, tedious, and utterly hopeless at the best of times.

But the truth of the matter is that something is guiding you through this, letting you know you aren’t done yet - even though you may wish you could be.

Then one night, 22 years later, waking at 2:22am, you see it clearly. Sure, you know there's always more you can’t see, but you peacefully thank God for that because now you know that's the very magic that keeps you going.

Let’s hop back on the time machine motorbike and make a stop at the eclipse season of May/June 2013.

It only takes a day for your life to change.

You know one of those days, where something happens, and nothing is the same again?

That happened. Someone important walked into my life, turned it upside down for the duration of the 18-month eclipse cycle - and walked back out at the end.

Professionally there were powerful shifts then, too; it was the height of my career. I had written my second book, I was on TV, winning award after award, but it wasn’t great.

I was in the clutches of ego.

I totally knew it when Hay House headhunted me; someone warned me I would be too small fry for them.

So what did I do?

I unethically bought some Twitter followers…

Only to get rumbled in the Hay House Boardroom and bang went that opportunity.

This became the story of my life - not feeling safe enough to trust the universe that I’m okay, just as I am, come what may.

Just like 5 years before that, when I didn’t trust the six numbers spirit gave me were the winning lotto numbers.

Oh my, the hefty price our ego pays for fighting, battling, controlling.

2013/14 was a powerful pivot time in my career where I saw it was time to come away from the media and branch out alone.

It was time to have the level of freedom of speech you can never have in the media.

And to do that is a road less travelled.

Since 2013/14 I can’t believe how much I have battled, fought and controlled my way to success when I thought I was freeing myself from my ego!

I was in the biggest clutches of it at all time - and that’s saying something!

The clench got tighter, the harder I worked, the further away it all got, and all I had to show for it was mounting debt.

The last eight years, I have stayed on the road less travelled throughout a breakdown and covid, but now I know I have reached the end.

There’s a big cliff ahead, and I don’t know whether I’m jumping or it’s landsliding, either way, it feels like a final liberation.

The struggle has been immense for 5 years now.

For 5 years, I abandoned my own basic needs and wants on a practical level and asked myself every day:

“Do I need to get a job today?”

And the answer was always no.

But then I saw how sick and tired my husband was getting, and my answer changed to yes - even though he fought me on it!

And I saw the fight was really with me, the last ego battle.

How can I get a job?

What will people think?

I am no longer successful!

I am no longer worth listening to!

My community will think I have abandoned them!

When really, this is a moohasive milestone in my recovery of codependency into healthy interdependency.

My ego had me fooled for a long time, and now I finally understand HOW it did that.

So now we are back to the moment I slay my ego at the dinner table. My already sick and tired husband tells me he will foot all the bills. I see it crystal clear now, how we can’t continue like this - how if it’s a choice between my husband or my ego, my husband wins.

 

I put my foot down - tell him I’m getting a job and that's that - and something interesting happens, no more squabbling, just peace.

This is what happens when your ego finally believes you’ve got something - it’s a profound peaceful moment.

Even though you might be taking a deep breath in and thinking, “oh fuck!”

 

For me, it was the realisation of being 44 years of age, out of mainstream employment for 22 years, and with a CV full of love, light, crystal and Tarot diplomas.

So what did I do?

The only thing you can do when your ego has your back up so against the wall - open yourself up with ‘fuck it fool philosophy!”

And you might want to recite this...

I let go.

I let go of vision boards.

I let go of goals.

I let go of intentions.

 

I let go of plans.

I let go of needing to know.

I let go of any kind of judgment.

I embrace total curiosity with the Fuck It Fool Philosophy!

I applied for what must have been 101 jobs.

And I got back 98 rejections!

“We are sorry, but someone else was more suited.”

#ofcoursetheywere! Lol!

But now I think jobs come in threes…

First, there was the interview for a digital trainer, which I got - but it’s adhoc.

Second, there was the interview for the Botanist in Bath - I didn't even know I was applying for it! I’ve been working as a host inside an amazing octagonal building that used to be a chapel in my past life! One where Jane Austen graced the pews whilst the astronomer William Herschel, who found Uranus, played the organ!

Uranus is the ruler of The Fool!

That says it all! Lol!

It's a definite karmic workout - one whose destiny is to be just as quick and as randomly as it started! Although if you come to Bath one random night, you might find me helping out on the “odd” (Uranus is the planet odd!) occasion - and if you do, woohoo, it’s 50% off for you - if there is “space”!

Then came the third interview - oh my… This one was the one. The one job out of 101 that I actually felt was right for me. The only one I took complete care over applying for and the only one whose rejection I would have to heal in myself if I didn’t get it. 

But I needn’t worry - I got it.

Heck! Now I’m in a place where I have 3 jobs and a business to run!

NOW it’s time to figure out my needs and wants and work out what’s important to me, not before! Doing this before was limiting me! I thought it was safe, but it was the opposite. Being OVER concerned was starving me of my needs and wants just as much as not knowing them.

I had to let go of them, do something drastic and throw caution to the wind.

Yet, if somebody said to me a month ago that by the end of November, I’d have 3 jobs because I’d get every interview I went for, I would have laughed!

It’s time to condense and step up my service in 3 areas. 

  1. My personal life.
  2. My circle clients
  3. My new role.

Unlike The Fool (or Russell), I do not have the magic muscle of doing everything and being everywhere, so I’m clear what will need to give is the other two roles as well as the time I spend on social media.

If you aren’t in my circles, you are going to see less of me, but I'll try my best to keep in touch with you with the regular Moon blog.

So what is this new role Tiff, and what has Russell Brand got to do with it?

Well, Russell has nothing to do with it! Lol!  

But you are so close to getting through this epic blog and seeing my convo with Russo, but before you do, here's where we tie up the loose ends of time travel.

Let's do a penultimate quick hop back on the timeline, all the way back to 11th August 1999 once again. Apart from the losses, there’s an important gain:

You see, we had to move away from my hometown just days after my daughter's funeral leaving behind my family and friends when I needed them the most, and I needed to get a job. I could no longer cope with the privileged problems of retail, so six weeks in, I began supporting kids with autism, and my support work was born.

I left that field for a brief stint of Charity Work, then returned to the field of Autism briefly before going self-employed in 2003 - nearly 20 years ago!

WOW!

You know when you’ve done things in your life, and it feels like you’ve left them behind? Like they are parts dead in the water? Past lives within your present life?

I’ve always been a strong believer that everything you do comes back around.

One more hop on the time machine back to last month.

I spent it braindead scrolling and applying for anything and everything, but one makes me stop in my tracks.

A charity wants someone to interview people with autism and publish their stories online to raise awareness.

BAM! My new role is a path convergence back through time through pretty much everything I’ve done all the way back from 1999 when I began working in the field of Autism.

I’m pleased to say I’m starting on the day of the Christmas party. Well, you know! Start as you mean to go on!

So let's look at that shiz me ego said at the beginning of this…

How can I get a job?

What will people think?

I am no longer successful!

I am no longer worth listening to!

My community will think I have abandoned them!

Oh my!

Now can you see how your ego keeps you from the truth - which is the opposite of what it tells you?

And the opposite of what you need to do?

Oh! And another thing happens when you get there…

Check out the fuck it fool philosophy moment I had with Russell Brand this week!

That was delayed until I got past my ego too.

And so my dear one - thank you for sticking with me through this epic blog, few days, weeks, months, years, however long you have been here.

Instead of going into the Astrology of this Saturday’s eclipse, all you need to know is… 

It’s a biggy and  time to embrace the "Fuck It Fool Philosophy." 

What if you Just change something? One thing.

How might your world open up?

If you’d like to Get Justice in Your World in 11 days, join us here, we start Sunday!

Well, It’s now 6:37 a:m , the moon egg timer has gone off.

and it’s time for me to try and get some shut-eye before finally having my tooth extracted at 10am!

I'm on the Strength Tarot card today - and a Leo - Whenever I'm at the dentist I happen to be on Strength - if you know the card for that you will be laughing right now!

For you, for me, for everybody, it’s time to be strong and conquer your own lion-like ego with gentle love and firmness because you know what you need to do.

Whatever that is, it’s time for you to do it.  

And if it’s to come into my community - the door is wide open to you here.

If not, no worries, you’ll be hearing from me via the blogs, but free content, courses, challenges - are all in my community as of now, see you there. xx

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