Only for 48 hours, but I’ve landed.
At least in body.
But my mind and energy need a little bit more time.
Time to come back home too.
But I don’t have time.
In fact, there is only now 24 hours until I leave again, my to-do list as long as my arm ( which isn’t very long actually so that wasn’t a good comparison)!
This blog is one of them, as when I return it will be the New Moon and the New Moon waits for no-one.
Couple that with what feels like a Mercury Retrograde since the Moon was growing Full in Scorpio and…
No wonder the Tarot card for the decan this New Moon falls in is The Nine of Swords…
The Nine of Swords shows mental challenges building up under the surface…
But there is only one more to go before we have the breakthrough - The Ten of Swords!
Okay, that doesn’t look so wonderful either, but ah it is…
Its a bittersweet end of the ego that leads the way to freedom, the darkest hour is before the dawn, and here you see the sunrise.
The Sun in Astrology represents the self, and with every New Moon the self has a mini rebirth.
The labour may have been intense since the build-up to the Full Moon in Scorpio two weeks ago, but we are nearly there.
Think of Hercules who went through seven initiations to discover the superhuman strength of who he was.
Or Inana who went through seven initiations in the underworld to discover the power of her heart and vulnerability.
Okay, so here we have nine! But just imagine the value of what we will find on the other side!
How many initiations have you had since the build-up of the Full Moon in Scorpio two/three weeks ago?
I can count to seven.
What they are is not important, it’s whether I can see the same message behind them all, and that is what this Gemini New Moon is good for.
As my New Moon Diary says for this Gemini New Moon on 3rd June at 11:01 BST (interesting 111 number of alignment).
“If you were to take a mirror and see yourself in a true light, what would you see? Is there something you would tell yourself, some advice you would give? And how would you receive those words?”
Gemini is the communicator, journal these words, see what precious wisdom then stares back at you from the mirror of the page.
I’ll share mine, maybe they will resonate:
It’s okay to have boundaries, it's okay to say no, just because someone wants something from you, you don’t have to give it. This you know so why do you find it so hard to do?
Because you’ve lived through rejection so much in your life. You’d rather someone rejected you than you cause that pain to someone else. After all it's familiar, you’ve lived through it and you are “fine” so, you create the situation.
You see this clear as day now. With the current situations, you bounce back quick but your strength in vulnerability still needs a sword or two to pierce the heart through.
At the moment you still have a tendency to make yourself vulnerable (and not in a good way) by not saying no when you know you should. You have the awareness of WHY now, but is that enough for you to change?
Slow down. Do less. Give yourself time. You can only do what you can do. Let go. The world will not end when you do. In fact it will grow, as will you.
If I had the ability in me to do the above NONE of the several initiations I’ve experienced over the last three weeks would have happened.
And maybe you are there thinking “but Tiffany, you teach how to listen to your intuition!” and you are right! In a way....
But there is something deeper than that…
It doesn’t matter how good you are at hearing your intuition, if you don’t have good self-esteem you won’t make the right decision.
Think back to a time you made a mistake.
I bet you knew it at the time, but you couldn’t stop acting from a place of low/no self-esteem.
In my experience, most intuitives don’t have good self-esteem because they were raised to be so tuned into their parents' needs. That is how they get so hot at reading others, but it comes with a complex price.
In 2014 I started on a deeper journey of self-discovery. So many things had happened in my past that showed me I didn’t have good self-esteem. Crazy things. And the spiritual and psychic path that I had been on for fifteen years was amplifying it to chaotic and dramatic heights. So I started looking at self-esteem.
With spiritual and psychic practices there is a tendency to come out of yourself, projecting upwards or outwards. Thus it can become a vehicle for escapismGEE achieving the exact opposite of self-realization. But with self-esteem there is no other way you can go with that but within.
So let’s look at what self-esteem actually is.
Self-esteem is the knowledge that you are worthy and you have value independent from anything external.
In childhood, we are often raised by shaming - getting told off for doing something wrong. Our culture started using shame as a more sophisticated way to kill someone. Instead of plunging in the sword we’d send them into exile. There, they would die a lonely long painful death.
We get bred with a false sense of entitlement, praised to the hilt for doing something so well.
Both cause issues people pleasing and perfectionism. Which happen when you replace self-esteem with “other-esteem” - an overcompensation. Just like the body does when a part of it is damaged, causing misalignment.
Can you recognise both in your childhood?
Can you recognise where and how you swing from shame to entitlement now?
What triggers your shame core?
What triggers your false entitlement?
We are all on the codependent spectrum somewhere, or we would be that person in exile I mentioned above.
Okay, once you have that clear, here is something to understand…
Self-esteem is NOT a spectrum.
You cannot work on developing self esteem.
Self-esteem is either on or off.
You are either doing it or not.
In any given moment you are either valuing yourself or not.
We are all different, we all value different things.
When we expect others to have the same values that will trigger your shame/entitlement see-saw. Your ability to see anything gets blurred until you look back at what your saw, heal the sore and soar!
If you can remember that you are valuable in your own right, then you can start to make progress.
In my experience this journey is bumpy.
Sometimes self-esteem is on, and sometimes it's not.
Say, you’ve made a mistake, the danger now is your self-esteem button will get a bit sticky around the off button.
Turning it back on is a four step system, thought (Sword), Feeling (Cup) Action (Wand) and Worth (Pentacle)
“I matter as I am, no matter what happens around me. I made a mistake. That’s okay. I am human and mistakes happen.
Thoughts trigger feelings, so as you think this tune into the self-love that starts to warm your heart.
Feelings trigger actions, so now your behaviour will start to come from looking after yourself.
Now you have your self-esteem.
This is the same for whoever you are in connection with at any time, yourself or another.
If you see someone switches their self-esteem off in your presence, be the voice for their esteem to help them switch it on.
In Native America if a youth did something wrong the whole community would gather around the youth and do this type of ritual.
I believe self-esteem work is the most important work on the planet.
If we all had our self-esteem switched on there would be no people pleasing. There would be no false entitlement. There would be no perfectionism. There would be no reactive behaviour. There would be no fear of lack. There would be no greed. There would be no shame. There would be no abuse of ourselves or another. There would be no war. There would be no out of balance behaviour.
And finally, John Lennon’s Imagine would be a reality.
This is why I call myself an “Inner Transformation Specialist” and don’t have the words Psychic or Intuitive in my title anymore.
I help the psychic and intuitive parts of you heal, so you can have a better relationship with yourself - and then with others. Albeit your partner, your parents, your children, or your ability to show up in the world as you, and be okay with that, because you have inherent value.
And the reason I can do it?
Is because I’m on that journey with you, walking it, talking it, living it.
At the time of writing this there is one place left on a journey to do exactly that…