The Full Moon in Scorpio is on Saturday 18th May at 10:11pm BST
I’ve never been one to tell it any other way than it is, so here it is:
The Full Moon in Scorpio appears always to be somewhat ominous, and a time to remember that with every dark cloud there is a silver lining.
In the Tarot, Scorpio is Death ( transformation) and this Full Moon is in the Scorpionic decan ruled by The Seven of Cups (projection, emotional overwhelm and confusion).
Is what I am about to share with you my projection?
How can it be anything else?
We only see life through what we have seen.
And today, it's a meandering wonderland journey to get there, so stay the course if you want to learn something about how to love.
It happened upon a Scorpio Full Moon all but three years ago.
Our gorgeous but elderly Tom cat who had toileting trouble and fits died. One minute it was a normal day, I ushered him out to the kitchen, with a curt “not in here Tom!” I took him into the kitchen where he looked up at me innocently with those beautiful big Tom Cat eyes. I looked deep into them and then told him quite firmly once again.
I came back in the lounge to carry on working and heard a yelp. This was nothing out of the ordinary, and I was busy, so I didn’t react until there was complete silence. I walked in to find him lying lifeless on the kitchen floor. This sent me into a complete spin.
How could I be so wrapped up in my work?
How could I tell him off when he was suffering and trying to tell me?
He was my husband’s and step daughter’s cat, both were away.
Oh my. I never felt so guilty about something in all my life.
I cried so much that night I didn't even cry myself to sleep.
He was a gorgeous cat, so full of empathy and I showed him none when he needed it the most.
Tom was an old soul, that worked hard to come through with message after message that he was okay. After about a week of them I began to let the guilt go. I had so much help from Tomcat, my husband and my stepdaughter who were all so compassionate and reassuring it wasn’t my fault.
But deep down I still feel a part of it was. Me who believes in divine timing - hence this astrology blog!
If only I’d been more loving at least.
And that is what the angel of death (transformation) reminds us.
Nothing is as important as being more loving so how do we do it?
Little did I know that this was to be an ominous opening of HOW to be more loving, and that it ALWAYS starts with the self...
Our other cat Mystic mourned.
She sat in the hall crying a guttural meow that sounded like his name “Tom, Tom", this went on for several heartbreaking months, until one day she just gave it up.
Mystic suffered more loss as in that time I went off to India and came back feeling like I couldn’t live the way I was anymore. I had tried so hard for so long, I guess my mid-life crisis hit, the female version, and I did a Shirley Valentine. Not to find love anywhere else, I needed to find the love in me.
I was breaking down and didn’t know why. I left my home, my family, my marriage, my cat.
Mystic Mog was originally my cat, my witches familiar, this was another massive blow for her and she developed UTI’s and an anxiety disorder, which broke my heart even more.
Meanwhile, I was roaming the world like a lost soul, crying. Yup, Crying. Again.
I don't think I ever shed as many tears in my life as I did in 2016 - I never felt so traumatised, alone and broken. Although I may well have done in 1998 the year my daughter died, my memory doesn't serve me well.
I still loved my husband but couldn't see how it could work, and my stepdaughter, although it had always been challenging and now she was not speaking to me. I felt I had lost my last chance at ever having a family - even if it still wasn't the normal 2.4. And as I crumbled my business crumbled.
I felt like I was being pulled down to the underworld and engulfed by darkness.
What I am telling you about is a "Hero’s Journey' which consists of three stages:
- 1. Separation
- 2. Initiation
- 3. Return
That's the separation and a bit about the initiation. Now lets fast forward to the return.
It’s three years later, and I am back, have been for 15 months. My marriage, as strong as ever, if not stronger.
My relationship with my stepdaughter is as strong as ever, if not stronger, and Mystic?
Mystic is 18 and sat here with me now. I’m keeping an eye on her as this morning I found her in pain with one of her UTI’s. Oh dear Full Moon in Scorpio, is this an ominous marking of coming around again?
This time at least I can be more loving - thanks to Tom.
So how did I/we get here?
The answer came in Mexico, and not in the mystical sweat lodge kinda way but by surfing Facebook!
I came across a video love coach Cate Mackenzie shared. It was Pia Mellody’s Introduction to Codependence. It was then, at that moment that I understood everything.
I understood what was happening to me, my marriage, my family, why I did the work I did, why it worked and what I was REALLY dealing with.
Don’t get me wrong, I had heard of Codependence before but if I asked you to explain it could you?
Pia’s way of explaining it was so clear, that I got it.
I had been ninja trained in codependence throughout my childhood so well that I became one of the top professional psychics on the London circuit.
Since a child, I had tip-toed on eggshells tuned in to everyone’s needs but my own. I am what Pia calls a “needless wantless anti- dependent” someone who learns from childhood it’s not safe to have needs or wants. If this is you then you get super sharp at tuning into others as a form of protection. Thus making them intuitive, but it's not healthy and it's not sustainable.
The drama continues and you think you need to get more intuitive - but it doesn't matter how intuitive you are if you don't have good self-esteem you won't make the right decision - and in fact the more you develop psychically with drama as the basis the more it blows up into trauma, the more traumatised you get the more you think you need "spiritual" development - it's quite often why I say "spiritualised is traumatised"
The key is to recognise the emotional issues and how to practically work with them first.
If I had known that twenty years ago it would have saved me a lot of heartache, but I am glad for my journey, it's now gold I share with others.
My crossing the threshold initiation into adulthood was my daughter's abduction by Hades the God of Death at 4 months old.
Which in turn initiated my psychic career where I did more than 10,000 readings.
I then met my gorgeous family, but heck I was SO codependent that’s what I attracted.
Lightbulbs went off left right and centre.
Now I knew why my work had evolved from readings to taking people through their own Hero’s/ Fool’s Journey, was having such powerful healing effects on families.
I’d bet my bottom dollar that if you too are this way inclined - you've been trained from birth, by your parents, unknowingly.
I shared the video with my husband, who had his light bulb moments too and that was the beginning of the return journey.
Now the return journey was not easy.
It wasn’t hey ho, follow the yellow brick road, click my heals there’s no place like home oh look there’s the Ten of Cups!
The hardest was still to come.
My stepdaughter still wasn’t speaking to me and didn’t approve that we were trying to work it out, and really, who could blame her?
I was in a very dark place, consumed by feelings of trauma and rage, and Rich had almost himself completely.
We all had to break (it) down.
But as they say, the darkest hour is before the dawn.
We put the distance needed between us.
I moved to the magical Moorish land of Granada in Spain, and we worked on it from a safe space over time.
For me Granada was like a prison in heaven.
I felt a loneliness I had never felt before.
Even being alone as a lonely only child.
Even though my good friend and soul sister Natalie was just down the road.
Even though I lived in a beautiful place.
I felt alone.
I needed to be alone.
I needed to clear my system of other people’s projections that had been so intense over the last forty years of my life.
I needed to work out what was mine and what wasn’t.
And life knew what it was doing when it picked me up and put me in Granada to do it.
Granada was the most healing place on Earth.
It was thee most magical, apt place for it...
“There is no fate worse than being blind in Granada’ is a famous Spanish saying.
It wasn’t only the 360 days of Spanish sun. The lucid colours and scents of the vivid flowers that seemed more alive here. The earthly mountain goddess backdrops against the empires of architecture with heart and soul. The cobbled labyrinths of the Albacyin littered with Arabic culture and cuisine.
The ancient citadel of the Alhambra Palace, arising from the historic clash of the Catholics and Moors, many a scene of past life novels. It wasn’t the melting pot of shishas and eight-pointed stars that decorated the streets along with flamenco, tapas, and Catholic crosses. Heck, it wasn’t even that it was home to the best hammam in the world.
No, it went even older, even deeper than all of that…
Granada is Spanish for Pomegranate.
See the pomegranate on the veil behind The High Priestess in the Tarot?
The High Priestess in Greek Mythology is the Goddess Persephone.
Persephone had a codependent relationship with her mother, as her father was unavailable to her (my childhood).
Hades (Death/Scorpio) abducted Persephone, taking her to his kingdom in the underworld (when my daughter died)
Persephone's mother, Demeter (Mother Earth) demanded Hades return Persephone. If he didn't she would destroy Earth there would be no underworld (my rage).
Hades went to collect Persephone, but she had eaten a pomegranate seed, the fruit of the underworld and indissoluble marriage. Meaning she could no longer return completely. Thus Persephone went to the underworld to be with Hades every autumn and returned to her mother every spring. (my learning of being codependently psychic).
That is why she is sat between the dark and light pillars, they represent the two worlds.
That is why pomegranates represent the seeding magic of creative potential in the dark earth.
That is why she has pomegranates over the veil that separates the two worlds.
That is why pomegranates and the tree of life have the same configuration.
That is why codependent Persephone is the psychic High Priestess.
She has to learn to live a life in two worlds.
She has to learn to fall in love with separation.
She has to fall in love with darkness.
Because they both give her the space to find her own throne and power.
Which then emerges up from the earth and springs forth in our new life at spring.
My Moon in Cancer (High Priestess) on my I/C (Underworld) runs right the way through Granada. This would be the land where I undergo Persephone's journey - and return to help others find their goddess - not that I knew that part until now...
It was spring 2018 that the pomegranate of Granada decided that my marriage was indissoluble. Hades allowed me to return home to my family, now I could see through the darkness, not with eyes of fear. I could see how codependence and the psychic world work together and how to differentiate between the two.
Now I could see how to be free of the curse and heal the blessing, for me, for my family, and for my clients.
Back to the present day, it's Full Moon in Scorpio 2019 and it’s time to reach deep down and love more than ever before.
Anything that smacks initiates a journey into the belly of the underworld until it's understood.
Love is about growing up, about maturing, about being respectful, about being responsible for ourselves, our feelings and our boundaries.
No -one else.
In doing that you become love...
One of my clients "Empowering Women Through Change" shared this on Facebook today, a timely reminder for this moon:
- 1. It’s not my job to fix others.
- 2. It’s okay if others get angry.
- 3. It’s okay to say no.
- 4. It’s not my job to take personal responsibility for others
- 5. I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others.
- 6. It’s my job to make me happy.
- 7. Nobody has to agree with me.
- 8. I have a right to my own feelings
- 9. I am enough.
Full Moon in Scorpio is a deep dive for understanding our feelings, hence the Tarot card decan being the Seven of Cups.
Scorpio is a fixed water sign - ice -it doesn’t find it easy to decipher the psychic impressions that invade it. Thus it freezes and is also known as the mute sign, deeply private and not a great communicator. Mercury the planet of communication is also opposite the Moon this weekend e.g) as far far away as possible.
This is not a Moon to get into any codependent communication conundrums. Yet it may be all too easy to do exactly that if so watch out for assumptions, projections and that sting of the Scorpion's tail.
Alone time is strongly encouraged this weekend if you can, it’s a well starred Saturday and Sunday for figuring out what’s yours and what’s not.
In the meantime, i’m on another return... to Granada. This time to take eight other maidens through their journey to initiate their own goddess and own their throne. Six places went in the first week and now there’s space for only two, are you one of the last two?
Click the link above to see if your room is still there!